Alright, listen up. Uncle Dave’s here, and I’ve got two things: a cold beer and some hot wisdom. Basements, those sneaky dungeons beneath our homes, love to betray us. They sit down there in the dark, holding Christmas decorations, forgotten treadmills, and all those boxes labeled “misc.” Then one day, bam! You walk downstairs and you’ve got yourself an indoor lake.
Now, before you panic, put on your hip waders, or build an ark out of IKEA furniture, let me break it down. I’ve been through more basement floods than I’ve been through marriages (that’s two for the record, but close enough). If you follow these steps, you’ll be fine.
Step One: Admit You’ve Got a Flooded Basement
Look, denial works for bad haircuts and student loans, but not for water in the basement. You got to face it. The water’s real. It’s wet, it’s cold, and it smells funny. Don’t pretend it’s a spa. Don’t think it’ll “just go away.” That’s like ignoring a raccoon in your attic, it only gets worse.
Ask yourself: where’s this water coming from?
- Heavy rain? You’re not cursed, you just live in a house that thinks it’s a boat.
- Burst pipe? Congratulations, you’ve just discovered how much copper hates you.
- Sewer backup? This is when life really tests you. It’s not mud. It’s not chocolate pudding. I’ll say no more.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sewer Back-Ups
Step Two: Safety First in a Basement Flood
I know some of you are stubborn. You think, “I’ll just wade in, roll up my jeans, and fix it myself.” Bad move. Electricity and water don’t mix unless you’re trying out for the role of Human BBQ.
- Turn off the power to the basement. Flip the breaker like you’re DJing at a sketchy nightclub.
- Gas smells? Do not, repeat, do not light a cigarette. If you do, don’t expect me to identify the body.
- Wear boots. Not your Crocs, not your fuzzy slippers. Rubber boots. The higher the better. Unless you enjoy mystery rashes.
Step Three: Stop the Source of Water in Basement
The water’s not going to politely stop on its own. You have to cut it off at the source.
- Broken pipe? Shut off the main valve. Usually in the basement, ironically, where the water is having a rave.
- Rainwater? Check those gutters. If you haven’t cleaned them since Harper was Prime Minister, well, that’s on you.
- Sewer backup? Sorry pal, this one’s a city job. Call them and say, “Hey, the Ninja Turtles are revolting down here.”
Step Four: Basement Flood Clean Up – Start Pumping
Okay, water’s still here. Time to evict it.
- Submersible pump: drop it in like a fishing lure. Send that water to the storm drain or, if you’re a jerk, your neighbor’s tomato patch.
- Wet/dry vac: good for puddles, bad for lakes. Don’t fry it or you’ll have two problems.
- Buckets: ah yes, the medieval solution. Round up the family, hand them buckets, promise pizza. Or beer, if they’re over 13.
And remember: don’t dump the water back down the drain if the drain’s the problem.
Step Five: Drying Out After Basement Flooding Repair
Water’s out, but dampness sticks around like your Aunt Linda at a Tupperware party. You have to dry the place or you’ll be growing mold faster than a frat fridge.
- Fans: Big, loud, rattling ones. Bonus if they make the whole house vibrate like a Metallica concert.
- Dehumidifier: This little beast will suck water out of the air faster than I suck down a Coors with the boys.
- Windows: Open them if it’s dry outside. Close them if it’s raining. Basic stuff, but you’d be amazed.
Doesn't hurt to have one for these fans or dehumidifiers at the ready
Step Six: What to Toss After a Flooded Basement
This part hurts. Some things can’t be saved. Don’t cling, just chuck.
- Carpet? Gone. It’s basically a sponge full of regret now.
- Cardboard boxes? Forget it. They’re papier-mâché at this point.
- Wood furniture? Maybe. If you dry it fast. Otherwise, termites will RSVP before you do.
- Sentimental junk? Spread out photos, pray hard, and maybe they’ll survive. But don’t expect miracles.
Step Seven: Call Your Insurance Before Full Clean Up
This is the fun part. You call your insurance company, they sigh because they know you by name now, and you beg for money.
Have ready:
- Photos. Take them before you clean too much.
- A list of damaged items. Try not to cry when you write “PlayStation” on the list.
- Proof it wasn’t your fault. Like, “I didn’t invite the river into my basement.”
Sometimes they cover it. Sometimes they don’t. That’s when you pour another drink.
Manitoba Flooding – A Sobering Reminder
Now listen, I know I joke a lot, but floods aren’t just a basement nuisance. Take Manitoba, for example. The Steinbach flooding this past week showed how brutal water can get when it shows up uninvited. Whole streets were underwater, folks had to bail out their houses with anything they could grab. It wasn’t just basements, it was livelihoods, family homes, whole communities.
Point is, don’t think “oh it’s just a little water.” Water doesn’t care about you, me, my last marriage, or your mortgage. Ask anyone in Steinbach. They’ll tell you: you either respect the flood, or you lose to it.
Flooding in the Basement What to Do – Uncle Dave’s Questionable Advice
Alright, you’ve slogged through the practical stuff. Time for some wisdom from yours truly. Take it or leave it.
- Always keep a case of beer in the upstairs fridge. Because when the basement floods, the downstairs fridge is toast.
- Marry someone who can use a sump pump. Forget candlelit dinners, competence in emergencies is the real romance.
- Teach your kids to swim early. You never know when your basement’s going to double as a YMCA pool.
- Don’t store your important documents in the basement. Unless you want soggy passports. True story, I once had to explain to border guards why my passport smelled like moldy socks.
- Have an emergency fund. Not just for floods. For when your brother “borrows” your truck and returns it missing a door.
- Never, ever put a pool table in the basement. Unless you like warped cues and soggy felt.
Bonus tip: Take the old civic out for a rip and get a free carwash
Step Ten: Preparing for the Next Flooded Basement
Because it will happen again. Water is like an annoying cousin, it always shows up eventually.
- Install a sump pump. It’s like hiring a bouncer for your basement.
- Clean your gutters. Twice a year, even if you hate ladders.
- Seal those cracks. If you can stick a dime in it, water can fit too.
- Backwater valve. Keeps the sewer where it belongs, underground.
Do these, and maybe next time you’ll only be ankle-deep instead of knee-deep.
Uncle’s Closing Words on Surviving Basement Floods
Flooded basements are a rite of passage in North America. If you haven’t had one, just wait. If you have, you’ve got stories. You’ll tell them at barbecues, you’ll laugh (eventually), and your drunk uncle (me) will shake his head and say, “Should’ve put in that sump pump, kid.”
At the end of the day, remember this: homes can be fixed, stuff can be replaced, but family is what matters. Unless family is the one who left the hose running in the window well—in which case, they’re on basement cleanup duty.
Now, let’s raise a glass to dry basements, good insurance, and learning lessons the hard way. Stay safe, stay dry, and for crying out loud, don’t store your vinyl collection on the floor.
Cheers.
